Relationship Tourist (RT) – Intimate Traveler® (IT) Continuum:
Finding Your Position on Your Journey of Marriage

Whether you've been married for many years, about to exchange your wedding vows, or are single now but have recently been in a relationship, it may be helpful for you to determine your own starting position on the Intimate Travelers’® continuum. Intimate Travelers® are those partners who use the challenges of Love's Crossroads® to grow their relationship to travel the path of desire.

As you examine the continuum, you will see that there are shades and grades of difference. New information, learned behaviors, and your experience at Love's Crossroads® will help you increase your score.

Remember, only after experiencing the challenges at Love's Crossroads® are you likely to become an Intimate Traveler®

This test consists of twenty statements. For each statement, indicate the degree to which the statement applies to you. Does it apply to you very much, somewhat, a little, or not at all?




If You Answer
Very Much
1 Point
2 Points
A Little
3 Points
Not at all
4 Points

1. I expect that my partner and I should have the same romantic feelings throughout our marriage that we had in courtship.

2. I believe that conflict in marriage should be avoided at all costs.

3. When we make love, I never keep my eyes open to look into the eyes of my partner.

4. When the roads of our marital journey get rough, I can always use divorce as a way out.

5. Speaking openly about what we both want in our marriage is something I avoid.

6. I avoid discussing issues such as money and division of labor in our relationship.

7. I believe that marriage should be just like my parents' marriage, and just like their parents' marriage, and so on throughout the generations.

8. In order to keep the peace, I believe that I should go along with whatever my partner wants, regardless of my feelings.

9. I feel anxious when we try new ways to make our marriage more intimate.

10. When we are struggling I think only of my own hurts and not about what my partner is going through.

11. When my partner and I differ, I can only see my point of view.

12. I avoid speaking about my erotic feelings with my partner.

13. When my partner and I disagree, I think that the only way out of our discomfort is to distance myself.

14. I am resigned to staying married even though I am often unhappy and don’t think there is anything that can be done to make it better.

15. I get caught up in my work, child rearing, and private projects and forget to pay attention to my partner.

16. Unresolved difficulties from my childhood keep me from loving fully.

17. When my partner has difficulties I find that I withdraw from him or her, rather than approach my partner to provide support.

18. When we make love, I try to please my partner only and don't think much about my own desires.

19. I avoid discussing difficult subjects with my partner because I fear that he or she will not accept the feelings I share.

20. When I fight with my partner, I often emotionally lose control, reacting to what is said that I don't like.


Your score is

If You Scored
A Beginning Tourist
A Developing Traveler
An Intimate traveler

For Beginning Tourists and Developing Travelers

  • Go to our bookstore and consider the recommended reading possibilities.
  • Ask us a question at Intimate Travelers® Aid and/or check out Intimate Travelers® Aid questions already addressed to see if they can help you.
  • If you live within the New York, Long Island area contact Dr. Ira Kalina at 631-673-4719 or email him at
  • If you live in or near Santa Barbara contact Dr. Suzanne Rapley at 805-962-9350.
  • If you live outside these areas, consider our Couples Intensive, a multi-day intensive workshop for you and your partner, or a coaching consultation with a Couple Coach


For Intimate Travelers®
Congratulations. You've done the work, and acquired the skills to enjoy your marital journey. However, at some point you may come to a new Crossroads for which you might need assistance. Check in at Intimate Travelers® Aid and This Month's Magic to help you refine your skills and continue on the path of desire.

New Surveys and Quizzes
Periodically check back here for new surveys and quizzes we'll be posting to help you stimulate your thinking about your relationships.




Contact us today at: 555-555-5555